Taking time off from the council and slipping laxatives into Archie McStrivens cocoa, Dougie has decided to enter this year's World Porridge Making Championship at Carrbridge.

"I'm a man who always enjoys getting his oats" he is reported to have said "so I don't see why I can't come back from Carrbridge with a gold medal."

Dougie had originally hoped to have the competition moved to lovely Glenboggin, 'Jewel o' the North', this year, but this fell through when the entire oat harvest was eaten by a monster swarm of midges back in June.

Don't know where Carrbridge is? Jings. You'll be saying that you've never been to Glenboggin, next!

See the Golden Spurtle for more information.